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Wednesday, May 15, 2002
It's not pretty
North Central Florida is being overrun by pests, and I'm not talking about the
Democrats trying to get Janet Reno elected Governor. They're small and black
with a dot of red on their backs. They're flying around everywhere and most of
the time there are two of them stuck together in a mating ritual. Locals call
them "love bugs" but I call them fscking annoying as they make me jump
around, waving my arms and acting all girlie when I find them in my hair and on
my clothes.
So, while driving to Office Max to purchase some clear labels
for my Epson Stylus Color 880 printer, I happened to make a quick detour to Pier
1. I like Pier 1 because its full of wickery candley throw-pillowy things that
have the power to make a dork's heart swoon. After poking around for about 35
minutes in their fragrance heavy establishment, I left and made the trip back to
my car carrying four carefully packaged kicky red and orange lanterns.
(Purchased on sale for $8.00 apiece.)
As I reached out to unlock the door of my car, I noticed it.
A huge red smear on my arm!
Ack! I must have inadvertently crushed some love bugs! Alert!
Alert! Commence freakout session in parking lot! Drop lanterns! Try to brush
them off without getting a leg or wing stuck under a fingernail! Jump around a
bit! Make a sound like "Gaaah!" Make it again!
It took me a good twenty seconds to realize there were no
bugs on me, rather I was wiping at MY OWN BLOOD--there was a half inch cut just
below my left elbow. I have no idea how it got there, but it must have happened
in Pier 1. Maybe I brushed up against the sharp part of a giant cast iron
chicken or perhaps the culprit was the rough edge of a decorative ceramic
planter with fake Chinese symbols on it; I'll never know.
The lanterns, but not my pride, survived the fall.
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