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Sunday, July 14, 2002
ExecuDork

I've tried to get this entry written for over a week now. It's been redated no less than five times and I swear before all that is warm and holy and smells like fresh chocolate chip cookies I will post it before the end of the day today. July 14th. Not the 16th, not the 20th. Sunday the goddamned 14th.

The day after I last wrote the stars aligned (or the fates were asleep) and the salary negotiations went remarkably well. I wouldn't even call the event a negotiation, but rather a "I-Tell-Them-What-I-Want-And-They-Give-It-To-Me Party". In retrospect, I don't know whether to feel pleased that I didn't have to endure a hassle or pissed that I didn't have the foresight to ask for more money.

Oh who cares. I have a job. After six months of self indulgence (and self neglect) I'm working full time again. Since I've been in Florida I have been doing sporadic freelance voiceover work at the company I am now permanently employed at and it was most odd being there last week without the usual suspects accompanying me. I felt so positively fraudulent entering the building on Monday that I was certain alarms would go off and lights would flash. INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! 

While the distraction of work seems to be good for me, I'm still tormented. I bought some new execuchickish clothes and I get to spend 8 to 10 hours among the living and not thinking about and dwelling in the inky blackness that surrounds the rest of my waking (and often dreaming) life. Guilt? Why yes, I'll take two, no make that three, lumps. Be sure to save me a second helping for later.

In an attempt to reconnect with something outside myself in the last few weeks, I've discovered not one but two new forests close by my house and I spend considerable time out there alone or with Ouija. During my walks, I'm constantly reminded that I'm in Florida, not by the heat, but by the bugs. I swear to God I saw a spider as big as my head. Thank goodness I was alone when I spotted it because the sound that came out of me was not at all flattering. Jesus. Even in abject grief I'm a huge dork.

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