Friday, August 2, 2002
Fandango
Because I'm an enormous dork, I just bought tickets on
"Fandango" for that new M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie (2:50PM
tomorrow). Like "Sixth Sense" and "Unbreakable", I predict
it will be predictable. So predictable, in fact, that even my not-so-amazing
powers of perception can be used to tell you what happens before I even see it!
BEGIN PREDICTION BEGIN PREDICTION BEGIN PREDICTION BEGIN
PREDICTION
Mel Gibson (whose wife is dead, probably because of something he
did) sees some signs like crop circles, and other stuff too. He becomes
convinced something bad will happen and takes measures to protect himself and
his family. The townspeople, his family and friends will not believe him and
will treat him like Noah before the flood--like he's nuts. They might even
accuse HIM of making the crop circles! They will bring up his dead wife! Mel
will be outraged!
There will be some weird conflict between Mel Gibson and "Wahkeem"
Phoenix (who's like a brother or a cousin or...NO! Wahkeem is Mel's DEAD WIFE'S
BROTHER!). The conflict will have to do with the breaking of trust and
re-earning it back.
The kids will do some very cute kid-like things and make some
very children-are-more-perceptive-than-adult type pronouncements. Their cliched
"wisdom of the innocents" may even be instrumental in the reuniting of
Mel and Wahkeem. Stupid people in the audience will cry.
There will be a lot of scary noises and shadows followed by
screaming and running.
In the end, Mel will be right about the "bad thing"
and everyone will be sorry they doubted him. They will all revere the wise and
powerful Mel. They might even make a holiday for him. Stupid people in the
audience will cry.
I'm guessing there will be a "trick" ending too, which
will be....
DON'T SCROLL DOWN IF YOU DON'T WANT MY PREDICTION OF THE TRICK
ENDING REVEALED! IF MY PREDICTION IS CORRECT, THE MOVIE-GOING EXPERIENCE WILL BE
SPOILED FOR YOU! SPOILED, I SAY!
The "bad thing" will be aliens landing on earth
but...they will be MUTANT NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST AMERICANS (OR RUSSIANS) FROM THE
FUTURE! (ala' the Twilight Zone, or the Planet of the Apes, because there ARE no
new ideas in Hollywood.)
END PREDICTION END PREDICTION END PREDICTION END PREDICTION
I will return to the internet for five minutes tomorrow evening
to tell you if I am correct.
BTW, it's very windy and tornadoey outside my window right now.
Okay, bye.
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