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08.14.03

He's Theo, The Genetically Inferior Pup,
He's Theo, looking at him makes you throw up,
He's an ugly bag of mostly germs,
He's got skin lesions and a case of the worms,
He's Theo, The Genetically Inferior Pup!

Oh, settle down, you. He's my dog and I pay for full mocking rights with each new vet bill. Besides, when you sing it to him, he wags his tail and tries to lick you.

Anyway, this is really just the most cursory of updates. I have exactly fourteen minutes of free time today.

• I'm supposed to be getting ready to leave for Tampa in the morning. It's just a weekend away with friends, but sorely needed. Still broker than broke, we'll probably just hang out playing Mille Bournes, watching The Towering Inferno and drinking wine. This works for me. Ketosis be damned.

• I've lost 10 pounds and the only thing I notice is that my boobs are smaller and I'm chock full of energy. Apparently, my breasts were sucking the life right out of me. I've been following the Atkins diet pretty closely, but I don't necessarily attribute my new-found feelings of physical well being to drastic carb reduction. I think it's because I haven't been eating sugar or refined flour of any kind. 

   

• Having a wildly popular website is a little bit like listening to cool jazz. Horns, bass, cymbals, guitar notes all over the place, almost meaningless order but if you take a moment, roll your head slowly counter-clockwise and think for a second . . . Oh. Oh! Oh! How fucking cool that is! Okay. It's nothing at all like that, but it is fun. I'll tell you about it some day because it sure ain't this website.

   

• Project Offspring is a go. I have nothing more than that to say about it at the moment, lest I jinx the arrival of Baby Fred. Who isn't actually a baby yet. He's not even a fetus. Or a zygote for that matter. He's just the idea of a baby for now. A fat, happy, drooling idea.

   

• I owe too many people e-mail. Please forgive me. I love you and don't mean to neglect you.

   

• I saw a two headed lizard at work last week and became so excited about my find that I couldn't keep it too myself. This could mean something, so I stopped this guy who was walking by and blurted out, "Look! A two headed lizard!" He peered over at it and said, "No. That's two lizards doing it," and continued on his way without even looking back at me. Now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't procreate.