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I was attempting to clean grout the other day when the tub suddenly stopped draining. Dead stopped. Not sluggish like it might be an easily fixed hair clog, just stopped. I was torn between relief because I hate cleaning grout and mild panic because my mother is due to visit shortly for Thanksgiving. Oh, mother! The dirty grout you might see!

I pulled up the trap and fished around in there for a bit, but there appeared to be nothing in the way. Uncertain as to what my next step should be because it was ten o'clock at night (prime grout cleaning time), I skipped the task, hoping that somehow, the tub would drain itself by morning.

No such luck. 

When I got up the next day, the water in my tub was stagnant and  kind of grungy looking. I had to wash up at the sink and go to work where I contacted a plumber. Apparently understanding how mothers should not bear witness to their daughter's dirty grout (did I have to tell him that?) he told me he'd go over right away to see what was up. 

I did not hear back from the plumber that day and thought all went well. So upon arriving home from work, imagine my chagrin at finding both a tub full of swamp and a note from said plumber on the door telling me, "That brown dog he real nice the white one tried to bite me. Secure them please and contact me again."  

The white one tried to bite him! Theo! The genetically inferior pup tried to bite the plumber!  And I had no shower! And the plumber would not come back that evening! And my mother is coming! And Oh! The dirty grout!

After my minor panic attack, I got the plumber to agree not to sue my ass, and to come back the next day if I gated the dogs in the kitchen. I also decided to go back to work and shower there. Originally set up to hold Yoga classes, there is a room where I work that has a tiny shower. Now it houses the IT department. I drove there at about 9:00 pm that evening praying that it would be empty.

I snuck in with my towel, soap, shampoo and conditioner, secured the area and locked myself in.

Let me assure you. There's pretty much nothing creepier than taking off all your clothes at work.  In the IT department. Where there might be any number of secret IT-related surveillance experiments going on. Like webcams hidden in showers just in case some stupid girl decides she wants to go shower there in the middle of the night. They're IT guys! It's what they do! Spy on the bathroom at work while they read comics and play Dungeons & Dragons!

Do you know that it's possible to take a complete shower in under three minutes? Oh, it's true.

And you know what else is true? 

You won't believe this.

The plumber came the next day. He called me while I was at work to explain the problem. 

"Lady, you had the stopper pulled closed. I undid it and your tub drained just fine."

[That's not me up there and that's not my bathtub, but photographer Rick Rivera uncannily captures exactly what the whole experience felt like.]