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she· verb
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04.23.03 A couple of entries ago, I began posting pictures of the items people have occasionally sent me over the years. I thought those behind the deed would get a kick out of seeing their stuff "in action" because for the most part, they are invisible internet friends (IIFs) whom I have never met in person. I also began doing this because I appreciate the thoughtfulness that exists behind such a gesture and I wanted to recognize it. To purchase an item and go to the trouble of mailing a package to a person one has never seen in the flesh--just to make them feel good--is,to appropriate seventh grade East Coast vernacular, wicked fucking cool. I appropriate this particular vernacular because it is how it makes me feel--like a kid getting mail. Wicked fucking cool. I never never never intended these pictures to be a plea for gifts! I was not asking for you, my darling invisible internet friend, to send me things. While I love the gifts and live for them in fact, I would never knowingly compromise our relationship in such a manner. Do not, under any circumstances, feel obligated to send me something should you be a reader or an IIF, or should you stumble across these pages as my mother, my brother, my long lost cousin, my high school confidant, or my secret internet crush. Okay, if you're my secret internet crush, I'd like an apology and the keys to my heart back, but that's all. HOWEVER, speaking of gifts, the word wicked, and of coolness in general, check out this fancy-pants package that arrived today. I discovered it on my front porch, pushed off to the shady side (underneath the Confederate Jasmine). Someone had placed our door mat on top of it and when I pulled the mat off, I saw big green letters: "KEEP AWAY FROM HEAT!"
The requirements of the delivery, stated in a 50 point bold Arial (or Helvetica), must have frightened my mailman into action because he grabbed the only insulating material he had handy and covered the package. Little did he know that Spacely Sprockets had taken care of everything. What started out as a simple cardboard box became very space age and Jetsonesque as I got deeper into the packaging and discovered oddly textured foil-like material that might very well have originated in Roswell, New Mexico. But oh, the joys and delights wrapped inside the alien shiny material and reusable Polar Pack came only from this earth; from a little place called Vermont.
Is this not cool? Is this not wicked fucking cool? I didn't think so. I understand I have some new AvantGo and GoChannel readers. I'd like to warmly welcome you, pass along assurances that you needn't send me things in order to maintain your subscription, and tell you that if you still can't see the pictures, you have no idea what you are missing. I call it "Dorky Girl Waves Gold Foiled Chocolate Before You". Oh yeah. It's tempting. It's sexy. It's what the Internet was made for. In the meantime, I'm working out the photo kinks (and those screwed up returns that flood out of the yellow table). I promise that should you accept it, full dork is coming to your Palm Pilot, Pocket PC, or your PDA. Be patient. It's a virtue.
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