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07.13.99

Okay. Now that I think someoneís actually going to read this, Iíve hit writerís block. Not that I didnít know this yesterday, but today Iím suddenly self conscious. It rather sucks. I was going to write about my trouble with milk. BUZZ. To weird. I was going to write about the spat I had with my husband twenty minutes ago. BUZZ. To personal. I was going to write about some movies Iíve seen. BUZZ. It might spoil the film for someone who hadnít seen it.

This place I go to purge myself is now a public forum? What the hell was I thinking?

I feel, however, like a made a commitment. Not that breaking commitments is something Iíve never done-actually, Iím fairly good at that. Nonetheless, Iíll plunge forward. Awkwardly at first, but maybe Iíll find my voice again.

In the interim, Iíll disclose the 12 step secret of my ability to first justify, then break a commitment. Thereís a science to it. Send me a dollar if you find it useful.

  • Dwell on why you committed to something you were unsure of, were bullied into, or thought would be a good idea
  • Think about how much it will suck to keep the commitment
  • Eat some ice cream or drink some beer
  • Think about the suck some more
  • Shift your thoughts to why it will suck for the person you made the commitment to
  • Eat more ice cream or drink more beer
  • Tell yourself that you are doing the right thing by breaking the promise as it would ultimately be unpleasant to the person you committed to
  • Switch to raw cake mix or scotch because youíve run out of ice cream or beer
  • Convince yourself that because you are suffering, you are indeed making the greater sacrifice, and that sacrifice is good for your character
  • Force down one more swallow of whatever it is you are ingesting
  • Vomit
  • Because you are now officially sick, blow off the person you made a commitment to with a clean conscience and go to bed

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Help me, mommy!