Iím never going to get the hang of corporate culture. Why is it when people ask you if you WANT to do something, and you tell them you are either too busy, or not interested, they act shocked? Why on earth pose it as a question if youíre going to get all bent about my lack of enthusiasm for your stupid project? If Iím SUPPOSED to do something, just TELL ME! Do they think Iím a moron? ďGee, I have this great opportunity for you. Iíve picked YOU to wipe my ass and pat it dry, but ONLY if your interested. We think itís going to look great on your resume and will help you build the skills you need to rise to the top of our company. Do you think you might want to give it shot?Ē ďGee, thanks, but I have a lot of dirty butts on my plate, I donít know if Iíll have time to wipe another. Can I get back to you?Ē ÖsilenceÖsickening silenceÖthen, ĒBut your boss said youíd do it.Ē.
Not only am I roped into something I donít want to do, now Iím labeled as less than a ďteam playerĒ.
Fear of the Week:
Itís been hot here--hotter than I ever remember it being even as a kid. They say the weather isnít breaking any time soon and Iím fairly certain Iím going to succumb to heat stroke. I think about it a lot when Iím outside walking around. I have a fair distance to walk to get to the train, and then again from the train to work. I nearly panic if I donít have water with me--as though Iíll faint dead away on the streets of Chicago at any moment. I even have my last words memorized so that I donít have to think about it when someone bends down to see whatís wrong with me. Iíll gasp my final tribute to my husband and parents and be done with it. Enter nothingness. The only thing that scares me more than that is going crazy--which I obsess about too, but only when Iím overly concerned with the water or lead poisoning or some genetic abnormality that my entire family has kept secret from me for 34 years.
This online journal thingy of the Producer Boys isnít working out so well. They never got back to me after they said Iím in. I sent them the first week of entries, but not having heard from them, I never bothered to send the second batch. The outfit seemed shaky to start with and Iím sure itís a bunch of kids thinking theyíve got this great idea, but not the motivation to carry it through. Itís on Homestead for chrissakes. Frankly, Iíd be a little ashamed to send out ďpress releasesĒ and the like for a site hosted by some freebie nitwit place that insists on having their advertising hose up the download time. Whoís going to pay attention to that? I will give them this--theyíve kept me writing consistently for a couple of weeks, which feels good to me. Plus the thought of someone else reading it sort of jazzed me up a little bit.