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12.21.99

As my husband tells me about his apprentice, his eyes light up in a most disturbing fashion. He is smiley and cheerful and eager to relate the funny things she's said or done during the day. He most assuredly has a crush on her. I don't dare tell him I suspect this, for fear he'll stop talking about her. The only way I have to gauge the seriousness of the crush is to hear about her, as uncomfortable as that is.

I love that I have a sensitive and affectionate man for a husband--most of the time. The problem with sensitive and affectionate men is that they are sensitive and affectionate with everyone.

My problem is two-fold:

  1. I have to be aware and endure that he's sensitive and affectionate with every woman (and man) he knows. Does this indicate jealousy? Perhaps, and while I find this a distasteful, useless and potentially harmful emotion in general, I justify it in this case by acknowledging that we all want to feel special. Sometimes it's hard to feel special when you know that your husband is touchy feely and emotionally intimate with others in a way that you are with no one but him.
  2. I have to mask any concern about this, less his sensitivity detects my discomfort and he decides it's hurtful to me to let me know how he feels and what he shares with her. Without his happy and carefree retelling of their day, I'd have no idea how close they are getting, hence no way to tell whether or not I should be mildly obsessive in an on-line journal or take it more seriously.

What do I need to do? Relax and let life happen. A crush is a crush. I get them all the time, and I'd be nuts to expect he's not susceptible. If the worst should happen and he falls in love with her, I can always take my MILLIONS from the INTERNET, buy a boat and sail around the world--hiring handsome, young cabin boys to assist me along the way.

Good night.

 
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