[ d i a r y o f a d o r k ]

12.25.99 The death of Radar and being far from home has made this holiday bittersweet. I've enjoyed myself very much these last few days, just me and my husband, yet I'm filled with a longing for the company of my parents and old friends and a sense of loss which is Radar Search. I've come to a point in my life where few things or events provide pure joy and I don't expect it anymore. Every choice you make comes with a price tag. Sometimes you don't realize until it's too late just how costly it is. Upon reflection, I guess that's a good thing or else we'd never do anything but lie in bed and wonder about the world rather than go look at it or be a part of it. Funny though, as I sit here feeling the ache of longing I can't help but feel blessed. While my current mood and emotions are tinged with pain, I feel something fuller than joy. Deeper. When I find the word for it, I'll let you know. It's powerful and when I think to hard about it, it makes me cry while smiling. Okay, before I start the boring part of this entry (gee, not that the previous portion was compelling), let me plug Mr. Mungleford, who so generously reads this journal. Please take his survey. (He didn't make me say that, in fact, he's never contacted me--I just found a reference to my pages on his diary.) It's not very journal-like to do such a thing, but I've decided that now I'm on-line, I can at least be sociable about it. Suck Part, Stop Reading: I like to look at my lists of gifts, sent and received from years past and because this journal is now on-line doesn't mean I'm going to leave it out. So, gentle reader, be forewarned that tedium awaits you should you read further. To My Husband: Titanium clock Acrocinus Longimanus (under glass, of course--an exceptional specimen) Baby Furby (don't even ask) Some art book about Sleepy Hollow The Onion book Two videos: Reefer Madness & Anna Karenina (w/ Vivien Leigh) From My Husband: All things Danelectro! Dirty Thirty Amp! Danelectro guitar case! Strap! Danelectro strings! I've been walking around here like a rock star, but let me tell you, it's a bitch playing barre chords that way. I feel like I'm starting all over again. What? You're still reading? Okay, here is more suck just for you. Christmas Eve: Found Radar dead Went to Armitage for eggnog lattes at Starbucks Window shopping Lunched on Chicken Kalamata at that hole-in-the-wall Greek restaurant Bought pig supplies Saw Man on the Moon and laughed and laughed Came home and made burritos Rented Hideous Kinky and watched it with the righteous indignation only a childless couple could Christmas Day: Slept late Opened presents Called Mom Cleaned the apartment Cooked a Christmas meal of roasted chicken with sage and cranberry stuffing and all the trimmings Watched Paper Moon Drank some beer Merry Christmas. I hope yours was as good as mine.